19 February 2009

Why Boys Need Parents

This was actually written by Michael, but I am including it here because it is an absolutely true list about our boys (one, in particular!) Many of these things are actually amusing to look back on, while some are still quite distressing! This was inspired by an e-mail sent to us about boys and their antics - I think ours definitely top the list!

1.Playing with matches on the carpet can result in carpet burns (not on your skin)
2.Setting your younger brother's toys on fire in the Garage (where all the gasoline and paint is stored) even for school projects, isn't always the smartest thing to do, and it tends to upset your 3 year old brother when he later sees the video of his toys burning.
3.Dumping all of the items on the floor in order to use the island in our kitchen as an operating table for a WWII film reenactment for school, is not what your Mom had in mind when she said you could have a few friends over to work on your school project.
4.Using the rear window as a backdrop for shooting the pellet rifle isn't the brightest thing to do.
5.Apparently some teenage boys aren't aware that pellets easily go through plastic jugs and can still penetrate at least one layer of double paned glass.
6.Golf balls are great fun to hit with baseball bats, however the golfers usually don't like it when there are hundreds of balls on the course and they don't know which one is theirs
7.Fortunately some police officers only give warnings for hitting golf balls with a baseball bat onto local golf courses.
8.Speaking of police officers, having one show up at your door at 3:00 a.m. asking if you own a car with license plate XXXXX (that fits the description of your son's vehicle) can take years off your life when you know your son was at his friend's house spending the night
9.Ding Dong ditching at 3:00 a.m. in the morning can result in the police visiting your house when your son was foolish enough to go in your car and have the license plate taken down.
10.Not everything you see on U-tube should be tried, especially making flame throwers involving gasoline tanks that you strap on your back
11.When it's cold outside, shooting hockey pucks in the garage is better than freezing, however when you miss, a garage door makes alot of noise but is useful in stopping a puck.
12.Garage doors even though they can stop a puck, dent pretty easily. If enough pucks miss the net the door begins to resemble an inverted golf ball.
13.If enough pucks shot in the garage miss the net and hit the garage door, it will sometimes dawn on a boy that it isn't such a wise thing to do, therefore changing the direction you are shooting can be advantageous, at least until you realize that sheetrock walls will not stop a puck.
14.Locking your friend in the closet can be pretty funny. At least until he decides to brace his feet on the back side of the wall and try to push against the door. Did I mention that sheetrock will not stop a puck, well it doesn't do well at stopping a size 11 shoe either.
15.Driving your car 700 miles on a road trip at 90+ miles per hour can get you home pretty quickly. It can also get you a pretty hefty speeding ticket.
16.Driving 700 miles at 90+ miles per hour can also pretty much burn ALL of the oil in your 13 year old car (the one with worn piston rings).
17.Shooting paintball guns in the house isn't what your parents intended when they said the walls needed painting
18.Hot dogging on a jet ski can be fun, but pulling it 10 feet across the sand (back to the water) can be quite tiring.
19.When you live in the country, your mother may tell your son it is okay to pee on the side of the pool rather than going inside to the bathroom, however that same boy may not know that you shouldn't do this at the outdoor swim meet at the Country Club Pool.
20.Wrapping several packs sparklers tightly in electrical tape can cause a pretty serious explosion. When you live in the country it can be a fun thing to do (and quite dangerous). However, if you live in the city don't mention this to your sons, they may actually attempt to do this.
21.Toy cars don't always flush down a toilet, nor do toothbrushes or combs (however a 1 week old $400 retainer for braces goes down quite well).
22.VCR's don't require coins to make them operate, in fact it often causes them not to operate. Did I mention that VCR's don't like small toy figures either.
23.Computer keyboards don't work well when you spill soft drinks into them, it tends to make the keys sticky.
24.Did you know that Dry Ice when placed in a 2 Liter bottle with some water makes cool land mines on scout outings.
25.Soaking a rag in kerosene, tying it tightly in heavy string and lighting it on fire, can make for new more exciting version of the hot potato game you played as a kid (I recommend wearing leather gloves in case you hold it too long). I also recommend not doing this near dry fields or your house (having a bucket of water nearby is also recommended).


Lisa said...

Love the list!!! Boy, some of those paint quite the picture!!

Nancy said...

What have they put in the freezer? ;-)

rlsecor said...

That was truly frightening - maybe you could make some money by making it into a horror flick.

katyvee said...

Being the Mom of 3 boys.. you just kinda FREAKED me out. I'm really impressed you're all still living....